Been studying here and there and honestly, I don't feel like I'm learning anything more! It's so frustrating. I just keep praying that God would give me the knowledge I need and help me pass this test.
I've been trying to be so positive but sometimes it just seems like the devil keeps showing his ugly face, like every time things start going well, something else goes wrong. I keep trying to remind myself of how blessed I am, I'm in good health, I have an awesome family, he continues to provide for me... but still sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed, thinking when am I going to catch a break???? or when is my family going to catch a break???? Sometimes I just want to scream and say "HEY GOD, WE'RE STILL DOWN HERE COULD YOU HELP US OUT?" and wouldn't I just die if he replied back "YEAH LINDSAY, I SEE YA...AND I'M PROVIDING FOR YOU IN WAYS YOU'RE TO IGNORANT TO SEE!" I mean, I know this, I do. But still sometimes I'm just like what do you have up your sleeve because I feel like I'm drowning down here. It's frustrating, because I feel like I'm closer to God than I have ever been but I'm more confused than ever... it's like when I was farther away, I was better off than I am now... which I know that's not true but that's how I feel sometimes. I mean trust me, I know that he is opening doors that never would have been opened if things wouldn't have changed and I do praise him for that but gosh, it just seems like it's one thing after another. For the past year, I've tried to continuously praise him in this storm but it sure is hard. I was reminded yesterday that he promised me eternal life, what more do I want from Him? But still in my selfish ways- I expect more.
I'm not sure what this blog post was to accomplish, but I needed to let it out, so here it is.
Please be praying for me and my family. I'm not sure what God has in store but I'm trusting that he WILL bring us through this storm.
Have a great day!